Ok, its time to start blogging again.  But as soon as I opened this up to start writing again, Colby started screaming.  I'll be back soon.

Colby is here.

My new baby, Colby Stephen made his appearance on June 30, 2011.  He is a sweet, easy going boy.  A real blessing for our family.  I'll have to post pictures soon, he's hungry now.

Butterfly Bead

The Aflac center sent us a final bead in the mail today.  I got it in the mail today any way.  Its a butterfly bead to complete the strand.  Its only for parents like us.  I'm feeling quite upset.  Actually, I balled my eyes out.  It kind of looks like an Angel too.  I know Owen's an angel, but I miss him so much.  Its just not fair.  Its so not fair.  Why sweet Owen?  He's such a sweet boy.  He never complained about having to fight to live.  He never fussed about all the procedures he went through.  Everyone who met him loved him.  He touched everyone.  I miss him so much and don't want to wait for the rest of my life to see him again. 
I've been feeling good so far in this pregnancy.  If all my pregnancies had been this easy, I'd have 10 kids.  I really would be like Michelle Duggar, LOL!  I'm also glad this kid was pronounced as healthy as they can find in utero.  I've been tired, but no nausea, able to eat, and feeling good.
I'm also almost finished with Evan's blanket.  I've finished all the knitting and the seaming of the letters.  I really hope that he enjoys the blanket.  Its taken so much time and work. 

First Try at Lace!

I've tried to start my first lace project.  Hooray!  But unfortunately, I don't have any stitches on the needles right now.  I'm still trying to figure out how to cast on and knit the first few rounds.  But I'm determined to keep trying.  I've joined a mystery knit along.  I've got some beautiful pink heathered yarn to start my first lace.  Its louet Gems in 100% merino wool superwash in baby rose.
  http://www.louet.com/yarns/gems_baby.shtml
I'm reading a few other blogs trying to get a feel for what I need to do to get started.  I think I've figured out what to do.  I'm going to try again in a few minutes. 
Another item of note, my favorite yarn store is having a birthday this weekend. They are having a big sale and cupcakes!  So go by and support them.  I know I will be.  If only to get cupcakes.  I just spent tons of money in there earlier.  But I do want to get some new yarn for the new baby's blanket.  Of course, Evan's blanket is still not quite finished.  And Grant is asking for me to make him one too, but he has a hand-made blanket from one of Mrs. Peek's friends.  But any way go support Sugarfoot.  They are great there.
http://sugarfootyarns.com/

So its late at night and my husband is drunk.  He's been drinking the Gentleman Jack I gave him for Valentine's Day.  He's kinda funny right now. 
We went to the support group tonight.  It was very painful.  It was horrible to see how many parents were there that had lost children.  It was nice to be able to talk about Owen without feeling like I was burdening someone.  It was also nice to know that everyone else there knew how I felt (unfortunately for them, first hand).  They didn't have to imagine.  They knew how it felt to have someone try to be caring and say something terribly hurtful.  Yes, I'm pregnant.  Yes, I lost my Owen.  However the new baby will not make us feel better. He will change things.  But his job is to grow up, not to make the rest of us miss Owen less.  He is not a replacement.  We don't want a replacement baby.  We want Owen and Barrett.  One boy does not count for the other boy.  I'll be the mother of 4 boys, not 3.  I have a 9 year old who likes to play video games. I have a 3 year old who likes to explore.  I have a 2 year old (who will always be 2) who likes to watch Dinosaur Train and Elmo and has a fear of strangers.  I have another boy coming in July who is still to be known.  He'll have his own personality and only be himself.  He won't replace Owen nor will it be his job to make the rest of us feel better.  Only God can do that.

One Month

Today Owen has been gone from us for 1 month.  I miss him so much.  Its amazing how much you can miss one person.  Even if that person wasn't even in your life for very long.  That boy had a huge impact for such a small boy.  He never even broke 25 pounds but he sure had a huge gusto for living.  My baby boy. I know he must be having a great time in heaven right now.  He is having a great time running around and playing finally.  He's finally able to do all the things he never could before.  I miss my boy.

Memories of Owen

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