So its late at night and my husband is drunk.  He's been drinking the Gentleman Jack I gave him for Valentine's Day.  He's kinda funny right now. 
We went to the support group tonight.  It was very painful.  It was horrible to see how many parents were there that had lost children.  It was nice to be able to talk about Owen without feeling like I was burdening someone.  It was also nice to know that everyone else there knew how I felt (unfortunately for them, first hand).  They didn't have to imagine.  They knew how it felt to have someone try to be caring and say something terribly hurtful.  Yes, I'm pregnant.  Yes, I lost my Owen.  However the new baby will not make us feel better. He will change things.  But his job is to grow up, not to make the rest of us miss Owen less.  He is not a replacement.  We don't want a replacement baby.  We want Owen and Barrett.  One boy does not count for the other boy.  I'll be the mother of 4 boys, not 3.  I have a 9 year old who likes to play video games. I have a 3 year old who likes to explore.  I have a 2 year old (who will always be 2) who likes to watch Dinosaur Train and Elmo and has a fear of strangers.  I have another boy coming in July who is still to be known.  He'll have his own personality and only be himself.  He won't replace Owen nor will it be his job to make the rest of us feel better.  Only God can do that.